A year ago was Day Zero of #100DaysDIEP. The day I had my delayed, unilateral DIEP flap reconstruction. My DIEP-versary, if you will (which I feel is most definitely not A -Versary Thing).
I felt decidedly ‘meh’ about it, which seems to sum up my Insta-ing lately (& why this post is late up!).
I started micro-blogging after surgery as a way of keeping track of how I was tracking. When I’d finished “active” treatment I cancer-shamed myself and questioned WTF I’d been doing during that time. So #100DaysDIEP was a daily journal of me ‘doing’ DIEP recovery with hashtag motivation.
Since my surgery I’ve found out things about my procedure, either in general (the Ken Doll) or specifically (the Lady Badger), that weren’t discussed with me beforehand, which I posted about #100DaysDIEP. It was selfie-serving, but what had been unsaid to me resonated with lots of women. Especially the unknown physical effects that had mental affects.
Over the last few months my posting mojo has been wanting. I’ve drafted posts, but didn’t feel the inclination to push them out to Insta-land.
Un-posted posts about fight/flight hot flushes; oopho- vs hysterectomy decision-making; getting shadow-banned by plastic surgeons and being silenced by health professionals; missing the certainty of cancer treatment in the uncertain times of Corona; and the goldenness of moments untainted by cancer-tinted glasses. You know, the usual Shitshow shit.
A year on from first phase DIEP I’d hoped I’d be done with surgery, however, my post-surgery meltdown meant that I postponed phase two until this month (a timeline now further pushed out by Covid-19).
In this pre-surgery limbo, I find myself in want of some doing. So I’m going to pull my pair together and get blogging, proper like. On the macro instead of micro, taking all the unsaid about my recon and recovery, and making them Unwritten.me
As always, no blame-shaming but with 💙