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  • luan

Hysteria


My womb hasn’t been used for its main biological reason, and now that I’m in medically-induced menopause its highly unlikely that it ever will. My up-coming hysterectomy will make it an impossibility.


I haven’t written fully about my ovary removal and hysterectomy combo with my DIEP phase 2 recon. When it was first mooted at the end of last year I had a mini mental meltdown.


The primary reasons for the gynae procedure is that I have an increased risk of ovarian cancer and a gang of fibroids in-situ that are proving problematic. And, as an ER/PR positiver, I don’t want to be producing any oestrogen. What. So. Ever.


On Thursday I had a pelvic ultrasound. The technology is the same as what’s used for pregnancy monitoring, including 3D images like this pic that are shown on a big telly as you lay prostate, legs akimbo.


Obviously I had lots of questions for the radiographer, the main one being: “what [the fuck] is that dark spot?” (not shown in this image)


Luckily it seems it’s just a cyst, although I fairly interrogated them as to how they’d arrived at this conclusion (consistent shape, density, no blood flow etc.). Alrighty, all good then.


However, when the report came through later that arvo, there were a couple of medical phrases that had me consulting Dr Google with the early whirring of hysteria, but I gave my head a wobble and binned him off pretty sharpish (I do think Dr Google is male as his insistence on trying to fuck with my head is reminiscent of an ex).


I’ll wait until my appointment with my oncologist on Monday to get the professional low-down (high-down?). Until then it’s unwritten.


I’ve no doubt my gynae/recon combo is the right thing for me, and I’m grateful it can all be done together. But, while I never planned to have children, a decision I was completely happy with pre-diagnosis, the absolutism of this being Never grieves me.


And the fact that not having children may have increased my risk of getting breast cancer just adds to the mind-fuckness of it (who needs Dr Google, eh?!).


Funny how these things are (inter)connected, isn’t it? Yeah, fucking hysterical.


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